2011 Memories Part II

So I messed something up and ended up having to post before I really wanted to, thus Part I and Part II....



No More Grandparents: In May, my grandfather passed away. He was 91 or 92 years old, I forget. My grandmother passed away in July of 2010. Since I didnt know my fathers' side, these were the only grandparents in my life...and they were the best! Hand-picked just for me!! My grandparents were great role models...great Christians!! My mom was a single mom & I (we) spent a lot of time with my grandparents...especially in the summer.  They were winter Texans and would be gone from November-March.  My grandma, Dorothy, was a wonderful cook & I regret that I didnt pay attention to what she was doing!! Everything was homemade: bread, cinnamon rolls, gravy, etc!! My grandfather, Earnest, was handy & good at everything. They were retired farmers.  They loved to read. They loved to walk. I promise that until about 5 years ago, they were in better health than I was!! They also loved to travel and they took us (my sister & I) with them..we drove to Texas, California, and Maine (and all the sights in between). We also went to Iowa to visit family every summer. I have GREAT memories.  Most of all, they loved the Lord...with everything that they were and all that they had..they loved the Lord.  Because of that, I was in peace when the Lord took them home..truthfully I thought it was overdue. I didnt want to see them suffer physically or emotionally anymore so even though I miss them, I know that they had a wonderful, fulfilled life & that I will see them again in Heaven. Im happy that they are together again!!

Sometimes things just dont make sense: Friday, December 16th..dag, I realized that I still dont even have the words to describe it...so maybe I need to go back....on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, one of my students, Derianna, was admitted to Riley's Children Hospital, but they didnt know what was wrong.  She had had a fever for 5 days and her mom had taken her to the ER.  Im so glad that she was at the hospital because things started going very bad: blood pressure dropped, oxygen level dropped.  On Wednesday, they ended up putting her in a coma. 3 of my coworkers and I went to see her & it was one of the most awful things I had ever seen!! She didnt look good at all. So many machines. So many tubes.  Again, I texted, emailed, & fb'ed for prayer for Derianna's healing! At that point, I felt like the only thing that would bring Derianna back was a miracle from God.

I was able to go back down to see her that following Saturday, Sunday, and Monday.  (Im so glad I have great friends that helped me out so I could go down there.) I couldnt stop thinking about her or her parents. I fell in love with her mom and stepdad. I fell in more love with Derianna. I would talk to her, touch her hair, and rub her arm.  I would text every day to check in on her. She was improving slowly. But she wasnt getting worse so I was good with slow progress.

I went to the hospital on Sunday December 4th and was overwhelmed with joy! Derianna opened her eyes and looked at me, nodded her head when I asked her questions, and wiggled her fingers to say good bye! I really didnt want to leave.  I really wanted to be able to go to the hospital every day! Even before she was getting better, I wanted to be there everyday! For the next week and a half, she was getting better every day.  She was taken out of the coma, taken off of one of the breathing machines, lowering her medications. She was communicating more. Not talking, but being able to point, etc.  She was still on a breathing machine & dialysis, but she was improving. The power of prayer!!!

I didnt go to the hospital the following weekend and felt so guilty about it. I felt guilty because I had told her that I would be back to see her and I hadnt been!! I felt guilty because I wanted to be able to give her mom and dad a hug.

When I texted on Thursday, December 15th, her dad replied that things were not going well. Derianna had had some strokes and there was damage to her brain! We talked on the phone & there was something in his voice that didnt sit well with me. It was the worst I had heard him sound during this whole ordeal.  It sounded like the "hope" was gone.  That Friday, I was consumed...all I wanted to do was go to the hospital to see them. But I felt guilty leaving school and not being there for the teachers that I work with.  I ended up leaving a bit early and went to the hospital with two other teachers.

When we got there, her parents could hardly talk they were so upset. Derianna didnt look good.  The nurse told me that it was just a matter of time and that there was pretty much no chance of recovery because there had been so much damage.  I rubbed Derianna's head, kissed her forehead, and told her that I loved her. I made plans to go to the hospital the next day to see her.

Later that evening, I got a text from her dad that said "Derianna didnt make it. Im sorry, Ms. Brown".  WHAT?  I couldnt believe what I was reading! Automatically, my body took over..I dont even know how to describe what happened...i was crying the most awful sounding cry! I couldnt hardly breathe!! I was in disbelief!! NEVER did I think that she it would happen this fast!! I tried to call everybody from school. No one answered. I had to talk to someone!! I called one of my best friends. I couldnt talk. I was just making this awful sound!! She knew what had happened. She couldnt talk. She didnt know what to say!! At some point, this painful, heart wrenching crying stopped.  The pain did not!! Even now, the tears run down my face as I type and think about it! I cried through the night and the next day. I couldnt help it and I couldnt stop it.

It just doesnt make sense!! Why did she have to go? I realize that we are all here for a season, but still.....I know we are all gifts from God, but still.......I know people (children) die every day, but still.....

Derianna was a beautiful girl! She loved to dance, wear lipgloss, sing, make up songs, and do hair. She loved school! She loved to look good! She usually did her best even though she had some learning difficulties.  She knew all of her multiplication facts! She always did her math homework! She was sweet and quiet, but she could be feisty is she needed to be! She stood up for herself! She had experienced pain...she lost her father four years ago.  She is in Heaven, I know that!! I will see her again, I know that! I miss her and I love her!!

I still dont have it together(darn it!): I wish I did! I wish I could figure out how to balance all of this out..Im sure most moms do! This whole work/parenting thing!!

But until then, I guess I'll be "just cruisin along" into 2012!!!  Be blessed!!