Sunday, January 13, 2013
Sunday, January 15, 2012
The Things That Matter (Part 2)
I really did not intend for there to be a Part 1 & a Part 2 of this post, but when I get typing, sometimes my fingers go a little cahrazy!!! Sorry that this is a long post, as well!
What I really wanted to talk about was that I think that the people who make the laws and tell us what we have to do forget about what really matters: THE KIDS!!! I am a teacher. Every week, I spend at least a couple of hours planning my math & reading lessons. I then teach these lessons to children. That's what I walk in those doors prepared to do & expected to do. But things come up every day that I am not expecting. Thats because, as mentioned in the previous post, my students experience way too many stresses at the age of 11, 12 & 13. Actually, many of my students experienced a lot of stress in the womb. So when I walk in those doors, I also become a counselor, a therapist, a behavior specialist, a mother, a nurse, a "friend", a confident, and most importantly, the one that gives them love!! Yea, a couple of them get on my nerves...some get on my very last nerve every day, but I love them! I cant even help myself!
Anyway, what I want to do is share with you what I know about the lives of my students. And hopefully, you will see what really matters.....
(to protect the innocent, I will use numbers instead of names)
#1: has been in foster care for about 3-4 years with her three siblings. Her birthmother had her at age 16. Her birthmother drank alcohol, smoked cigarettes, and also did marijuana while pregnant. She has a mild mental disability. The family that she lives with now will hopefully be adopting her and her siblings. She has a fragile heart and just wants to be loved and have a stable home.
#2: one of the few students that I have that is being raised with both of their natural parents. She has a mild mental disability. She also has a younger brother with Down's Syndrome. She is a sweetheart.
#3: lives with his mom, who has been hospitalized twice this year for psychiatric reasons. When his mom is hospitalized, different family members come to spend the night with him and his brother who is in 8th grade. His brother has a mild mental disability. His mother does not consistently give him his medicine, which helps him immensely. He does see his father, but I guess hes not able to have him come live with him? He is a whiz at math.
#4: lives with his mother and siblings. Last school year, his father was in jail. He is out now but cant live at the house with his children because the mother receives government assistance (or something to that point), and hes on house arrest. So all this child wants to do is be with his father, but he still cant. He told me that he wants to see a counselor because he knows he has anger issues, but his mom wont sign the papers. His home was broke into twice in 2011. And one time he was home. He wants to become a better reader (he reads at a 3rd grade level) and play football.
#5: Parents got divorced over the summer. His 18 yr old sister just had a baby. Earlier in the year, his mothers house got shot at in her new neighborhood so that caused him to have a lot of nightmares. He is an amazing football player!!
#6: Last year his father was in prison. He is home now& I think they are together. I think both of his parents are in a gang. I think his parents do drugs. Last year, his grandmother kicked his mom and the three boys out of her house when she came home and found his mother with another man (not her son!) So we didnt know where he was for about a week, but eventually he came back (thank goodness!). Last year, he told me that he had tried smoking. When he came to Warren Township, he had already been held back twice, so Warren decided to bump him up a grade, so he never did 4th grade. He loves to draw, but didnt sign up for art club because he didnt have the $10. I told him we could work something out. Hes already taller than me and knows hes cute!!
#7: One of the funniest people I know. Lives with both of his parents and 5 siblings (his parents adopted triplets who are now 4 yrs old. They are saints!). His parents are very supportive and involved. Unfortunately, they are the minority.
#8: Last year, her mother was in prison & she lived with her aunt. I do not think she has a relationship with her father. Even though her mother is out & she now lives with the aunt, it is actually a worse situation because she doesnt respect her mother as a parent. Her mother forgets to give her her medicine (which helps her immensely) & gets her to school late so she misses breakfast. She loves school & she loves to learn. She gets frustrated when she doesnt understand a skill cuz she wants to learn so bad. She is so fiesty & fussy, that I call her "fussy" (out of love, of course!)
#9: Lives with both parents (I think). I actually cant tell for sure. They come to meetings together, but Im not sure that they are "together, together", but at least they can work together for the sake of their child. He was on the traveling team for football!
#10: One of my newer students so I dont know a lot about him, but I know that he lives with his mother. I do not think that he has a relationship with his father. They recently moved in with his aunt & her family to save money. I do know that his mother has other siblings that she has given up for adoption...eventually that will be something he will have to face. He is probably the most talented drawer I have ever seen!
#11: Lives with his grandparents who are WONDERFUL people. I dont think he sees his mother a whole lot. They keep him involved in activities. His grandfather works two jobs. His grandmother even goes on Boy Scout overnighters..she sleeps in a tent! He loves to read...he would read all day if you would let him!
#12: Lives with both of his parents. His parents are hardworkers, but they have been unemployed for a while which causes stress upon him. His mother recently got a job & you can tell that even he is happier. He has a lot of anger & behavior difficulties. He was sexually abused as a younger child. He loves to make me laugh.
#13: Lives with both parents. Has a lot of anxiety. A great kid. He raises chickens. He reads at a 3rd grade level; however, he will probably make a lot of money someday as a chicken farmer!
#14: Lives with mother. I think his parents are divorced, but he doesnt see his dad. There are a total of 9 children. When I talked to his mom at the beginning of the year, she told me that she is having her older children (a couple are older than 18) raise her younger children. SMH!!! Sometimes his mother is hospitalized due to severe asthma problems. He is very low academically & has a lot of anger, emotional difficulties. He also is a very talented artist.
#15: Lives with his mother. I dont think that he sees his father, but im not sure. His mother had a baby earlier this year. I actually dont know as much about him as I should. He is new to me this year.
#16: Lives with his grandmother. He does not see his mother very much. He has a lot of behavior difficulties. He has a hard time with trusting adults, especially white adults. He is athletic, but cant always stay on the team due to his anger.
#17: Had been in foster care for 8 years. The home that he was previously in backed out right before adoption so the family that has his sister took him. She now has 8 children, 6 of which are not her birth children (she also has custody of her sisters) He was adopted last November. His birthmother used drugs while she was pregnant & it shows. He got kicked out of his previous school and came to us in the middle of December. To say hes hyper is an understatement!! He has a good personality for having been through so much.
#18: Been in foster care for about 5-6 years with her three siblings. The home that she was previously in backed out right before adoption. Last yr they moved to Indpls from a rural town in Northern Indiana. The home that they are in now is not sure that they want to pursue adoption...a couple of the girls have some psychological difficulties. She loves to make little doodads for people.
#19: Was adopted by his birthmothers sister & husband at birth. His mother used drugs while pregnant & its evident. His parents are supportive, caring people who have tried very hard to help him. Not a lot of behavior problems, but severe attention deficit and does not even attempt to do much at school on most days. He likes sports and drawing.
#20: Lives with both parents & siblings. He has a medical concern that causes his lungs to fill up with blood. He has missed 18 days of school this year due to this condition. He has been in Riley four times already this school year. He would have missed more school, but he was in the hospital over Thanksgiving, got out right before Christmas, & over New Years. He has to use an oxygen tank at night & he probably should use it at school, but he thinks that the other children will tease him (which if they did, they would have some serious problems with Ms. Brown). He is the sweetest boy you'll ever meet!!
Those are my kids! Many of them I have had for two years, so I know them pretty well & love them a lot. For better or for worse, Im pretty attached to them! I may complain, but I love 'em, and for the most part, they love some Ms. Brown! They matter to me! I care about them! I want the best for them! It's not that I dont want them to do well on THE TEST. It's not even that they dont want to do well on THE TEST. But in the big picture of it all, I feel what really matters to them is that they know that I love them and thats why I do what I do for them (some things they dont even know that I do)..whether that is teach them the 6th grade math standards, read books with them, get on them when they act up, listen to their concerns, pay for them to go to intercession, go see them at the hospital, get my heart broken, pray for them, "fight" for them to get what they are supposed to get, or give them big hugs........................ THOSE ARE THINGS THAT MATTER!!!
What I really wanted to talk about was that I think that the people who make the laws and tell us what we have to do forget about what really matters: THE KIDS!!! I am a teacher. Every week, I spend at least a couple of hours planning my math & reading lessons. I then teach these lessons to children. That's what I walk in those doors prepared to do & expected to do. But things come up every day that I am not expecting. Thats because, as mentioned in the previous post, my students experience way too many stresses at the age of 11, 12 & 13. Actually, many of my students experienced a lot of stress in the womb. So when I walk in those doors, I also become a counselor, a therapist, a behavior specialist, a mother, a nurse, a "friend", a confident, and most importantly, the one that gives them love!! Yea, a couple of them get on my nerves...some get on my very last nerve every day, but I love them! I cant even help myself!
Anyway, what I want to do is share with you what I know about the lives of my students. And hopefully, you will see what really matters.....
(to protect the innocent, I will use numbers instead of names)
#1: has been in foster care for about 3-4 years with her three siblings. Her birthmother had her at age 16. Her birthmother drank alcohol, smoked cigarettes, and also did marijuana while pregnant. She has a mild mental disability. The family that she lives with now will hopefully be adopting her and her siblings. She has a fragile heart and just wants to be loved and have a stable home.
#2: one of the few students that I have that is being raised with both of their natural parents. She has a mild mental disability. She also has a younger brother with Down's Syndrome. She is a sweetheart.
#3: lives with his mom, who has been hospitalized twice this year for psychiatric reasons. When his mom is hospitalized, different family members come to spend the night with him and his brother who is in 8th grade. His brother has a mild mental disability. His mother does not consistently give him his medicine, which helps him immensely. He does see his father, but I guess hes not able to have him come live with him? He is a whiz at math.
#4: lives with his mother and siblings. Last school year, his father was in jail. He is out now but cant live at the house with his children because the mother receives government assistance (or something to that point), and hes on house arrest. So all this child wants to do is be with his father, but he still cant. He told me that he wants to see a counselor because he knows he has anger issues, but his mom wont sign the papers. His home was broke into twice in 2011. And one time he was home. He wants to become a better reader (he reads at a 3rd grade level) and play football.
#5: Parents got divorced over the summer. His 18 yr old sister just had a baby. Earlier in the year, his mothers house got shot at in her new neighborhood so that caused him to have a lot of nightmares. He is an amazing football player!!
#6: Last year his father was in prison. He is home now& I think they are together. I think both of his parents are in a gang. I think his parents do drugs. Last year, his grandmother kicked his mom and the three boys out of her house when she came home and found his mother with another man (not her son!) So we didnt know where he was for about a week, but eventually he came back (thank goodness!). Last year, he told me that he had tried smoking. When he came to Warren Township, he had already been held back twice, so Warren decided to bump him up a grade, so he never did 4th grade. He loves to draw, but didnt sign up for art club because he didnt have the $10. I told him we could work something out. Hes already taller than me and knows hes cute!!
#7: One of the funniest people I know. Lives with both of his parents and 5 siblings (his parents adopted triplets who are now 4 yrs old. They are saints!). His parents are very supportive and involved. Unfortunately, they are the minority.
#8: Last year, her mother was in prison & she lived with her aunt. I do not think she has a relationship with her father. Even though her mother is out & she now lives with the aunt, it is actually a worse situation because she doesnt respect her mother as a parent. Her mother forgets to give her her medicine (which helps her immensely) & gets her to school late so she misses breakfast. She loves school & she loves to learn. She gets frustrated when she doesnt understand a skill cuz she wants to learn so bad. She is so fiesty & fussy, that I call her "fussy" (out of love, of course!)
#9: Lives with both parents (I think). I actually cant tell for sure. They come to meetings together, but Im not sure that they are "together, together", but at least they can work together for the sake of their child. He was on the traveling team for football!
#10: One of my newer students so I dont know a lot about him, but I know that he lives with his mother. I do not think that he has a relationship with his father. They recently moved in with his aunt & her family to save money. I do know that his mother has other siblings that she has given up for adoption...eventually that will be something he will have to face. He is probably the most talented drawer I have ever seen!
#11: Lives with his grandparents who are WONDERFUL people. I dont think he sees his mother a whole lot. They keep him involved in activities. His grandfather works two jobs. His grandmother even goes on Boy Scout overnighters..she sleeps in a tent! He loves to read...he would read all day if you would let him!
#12: Lives with both of his parents. His parents are hardworkers, but they have been unemployed for a while which causes stress upon him. His mother recently got a job & you can tell that even he is happier. He has a lot of anger & behavior difficulties. He was sexually abused as a younger child. He loves to make me laugh.
#13: Lives with both parents. Has a lot of anxiety. A great kid. He raises chickens. He reads at a 3rd grade level; however, he will probably make a lot of money someday as a chicken farmer!
#14: Lives with mother. I think his parents are divorced, but he doesnt see his dad. There are a total of 9 children. When I talked to his mom at the beginning of the year, she told me that she is having her older children (a couple are older than 18) raise her younger children. SMH!!! Sometimes his mother is hospitalized due to severe asthma problems. He is very low academically & has a lot of anger, emotional difficulties. He also is a very talented artist.
#15: Lives with his mother. I dont think that he sees his father, but im not sure. His mother had a baby earlier this year. I actually dont know as much about him as I should. He is new to me this year.
#16: Lives with his grandmother. He does not see his mother very much. He has a lot of behavior difficulties. He has a hard time with trusting adults, especially white adults. He is athletic, but cant always stay on the team due to his anger.
#17: Had been in foster care for 8 years. The home that he was previously in backed out right before adoption so the family that has his sister took him. She now has 8 children, 6 of which are not her birth children (she also has custody of her sisters) He was adopted last November. His birthmother used drugs while she was pregnant & it shows. He got kicked out of his previous school and came to us in the middle of December. To say hes hyper is an understatement!! He has a good personality for having been through so much.
#18: Been in foster care for about 5-6 years with her three siblings. The home that she was previously in backed out right before adoption. Last yr they moved to Indpls from a rural town in Northern Indiana. The home that they are in now is not sure that they want to pursue adoption...a couple of the girls have some psychological difficulties. She loves to make little doodads for people.
#19: Was adopted by his birthmothers sister & husband at birth. His mother used drugs while pregnant & its evident. His parents are supportive, caring people who have tried very hard to help him. Not a lot of behavior problems, but severe attention deficit and does not even attempt to do much at school on most days. He likes sports and drawing.
#20: Lives with both parents & siblings. He has a medical concern that causes his lungs to fill up with blood. He has missed 18 days of school this year due to this condition. He has been in Riley four times already this school year. He would have missed more school, but he was in the hospital over Thanksgiving, got out right before Christmas, & over New Years. He has to use an oxygen tank at night & he probably should use it at school, but he thinks that the other children will tease him (which if they did, they would have some serious problems with Ms. Brown). He is the sweetest boy you'll ever meet!!
Those are my kids! Many of them I have had for two years, so I know them pretty well & love them a lot. For better or for worse, Im pretty attached to them! I may complain, but I love 'em, and for the most part, they love some Ms. Brown! They matter to me! I care about them! I want the best for them! It's not that I dont want them to do well on THE TEST. It's not even that they dont want to do well on THE TEST. But in the big picture of it all, I feel what really matters to them is that they know that I love them and thats why I do what I do for them (some things they dont even know that I do)..whether that is teach them the 6th grade math standards, read books with them, get on them when they act up, listen to their concerns, pay for them to go to intercession, go see them at the hospital, get my heart broken, pray for them, "fight" for them to get what they are supposed to get, or give them big hugs........................ THOSE ARE THINGS THAT MATTER!!!
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
The Things That Matter (Part 1)
Many of you that will read this are in the education field and know about the legislation of "No Child Left Behind" and high stakes testing. Essentially how a student does on a particular test determines the "effectiveness" of a teacher and therefore the school. Schools can be labeled a "failing" school. A teacher can be labeled as an "ineffective" teacher and lose their job. As in any profession, yes, there are teachers who do not carry their own weight and are pretty much ineffective, but those are few and far between. The overwhelming number of educators that I know and have had the pleasure of working with are hard working, dedicated, and caring individuals who love children and want the best for them. So sometimes I get frustrated to know that how a student does on ONE test will determine if I or my colleagues will have a job.
In Indiana, this test is called ISTEP. Off the top of my head I believe that it stands for, Indiana Student Test of Educational Performance, but I could be wrong. It tests students on their current grade level standards. The test is given during two different testing windows. One is in late February & the other is in late April, I believe. So can you already see how its messed up. My students will be tested on 6th grade standards, but we will only be a little over 1/2 thru the 6th grade school year. So anyway, the tests takes like a total of 6 days. 6 days!! 6 days out of 180 school days!!
So whatever mood the students happen to be in during those 6 days could determine our effectiveness!! Really? That is crazy!!I teach in a urban school district in Indianapolis. I am a resource (special education teacher). The students that I work with have been diagnosed with some sort of disability: it may be a learning disability, an emotional disability, a neurological disability, or even a physical disability. So pretty much, these kids were born like this..for the most part. However, quite a few of them havent had it so good along the way either. So I guess what Im trying to say...their environment &/or family structure hasnt helped them along the way.
Im not, in any way, trying to say that because they have a disability or dont have a stable home life, that they dont have the right to a great education or that they cant learn. Because that is the furthest from the truth so dont twist what Im trying to say. I think that the students at MSD Warren Township in Indianapolis, Indiana get a great education. And every day, I know that my students learn new things and Im proud of them as they are proud of themselves!! What Im trying to get across is that the majority of my students have been through a lot in their short lives. They have more daily stress than most of you reading this. I think that most of them love coming to school (even if they wont admit it) because its a break from their reality, they can be a kid, and they know that they are loved. But what I am trying to say is that I get real frustrated that 6 days out of a child's life determines a score. This score determines "what kind of student" this child is. This score determines whether the teacher is "an effective teacher". As far as I know, this score doesnt determine if they will graduate from high school. This score doesnt determine what your credit score will be in the future...doesnt determine if you will be an upstanding citizen in the community, if youll go to college, if youll be a good parent....you get the point...in the long run it doesnt help determine the bigger, more important things in life. The things that matter.
To Be Continued...
In Indiana, this test is called ISTEP. Off the top of my head I believe that it stands for, Indiana Student Test of Educational Performance, but I could be wrong. It tests students on their current grade level standards. The test is given during two different testing windows. One is in late February & the other is in late April, I believe. So can you already see how its messed up. My students will be tested on 6th grade standards, but we will only be a little over 1/2 thru the 6th grade school year. So anyway, the tests takes like a total of 6 days. 6 days!! 6 days out of 180 school days!!
So whatever mood the students happen to be in during those 6 days could determine our effectiveness!! Really? That is crazy!!I teach in a urban school district in Indianapolis. I am a resource (special education teacher). The students that I work with have been diagnosed with some sort of disability: it may be a learning disability, an emotional disability, a neurological disability, or even a physical disability. So pretty much, these kids were born like this..for the most part. However, quite a few of them havent had it so good along the way either. So I guess what Im trying to say...their environment &/or family structure hasnt helped them along the way.
Im not, in any way, trying to say that because they have a disability or dont have a stable home life, that they dont have the right to a great education or that they cant learn. Because that is the furthest from the truth so dont twist what Im trying to say. I think that the students at MSD Warren Township in Indianapolis, Indiana get a great education. And every day, I know that my students learn new things and Im proud of them as they are proud of themselves!! What Im trying to get across is that the majority of my students have been through a lot in their short lives. They have more daily stress than most of you reading this. I think that most of them love coming to school (even if they wont admit it) because its a break from their reality, they can be a kid, and they know that they are loved. But what I am trying to say is that I get real frustrated that 6 days out of a child's life determines a score. This score determines "what kind of student" this child is. This score determines whether the teacher is "an effective teacher". As far as I know, this score doesnt determine if they will graduate from high school. This score doesnt determine what your credit score will be in the future...doesnt determine if you will be an upstanding citizen in the community, if youll go to college, if youll be a good parent....you get the point...in the long run it doesnt help determine the bigger, more important things in life. The things that matter.
To Be Continued...
Monday, January 2, 2012
I Hate Adult Acne!!
Ok, I just have to get that out!!! Im dag near 40 years old!! I didnt even had acne when I was a teenage...oh, is this payback??? Maybe every once in a while during that "time of the month", I would get a zit (hate that word too!) or two, but nothing crazy! But as I get older..Im getting them all the time! And they dont really go away!! Oh, it will try to trick me and make me think its going away, but then it never leaves or another one comes along right next to it!! Are you serious!!! And the worst place is between my eyebrows! Fortunately, my bangs can kinda cover them up, but...Im sure everyone can still see them peeking out!! UGH!! And I know that it makes it worse that I cant leave them alone cuz they bug the crap outta me!!!
Well, thanks for letting me vent! If you have any suggestions on how to get rid of them for once and all, puh-leeze let me know!!
Well, thanks for letting me vent! If you have any suggestions on how to get rid of them for once and all, puh-leeze let me know!!
Sunday, January 1, 2012
2012: whats ahead!!???
A random list of things I hope to happen....maybe if I write down the things I hope to happen, that will help (its worth a shot)?
A random list of things I know will happen (God willing):
- pray more, get closer to God
- read for fun more (I love to read, but dont take the time!)
- spend more time with the boys...quality time, like play games, go to the park, read books..the obvious stuff that I feel like I dont do enough of
- do what I can for school, but not let it consume me
- cook more, eat out less...obvious reasons!
- go do something for myself once a month...the YMCA has "kids night out" and I need to take advantage of it EVERY month. Whether I go do something with friends or just do something by myself
- stay in touch better with the people that I love
- blog more...it makes me feel better to get it out
- yell less
- I will turn 39....right now, Im ok with that...lets see if that changes???
- Mehki will start kindergarten...Im already nervous about this! Im nervous about he will be behaviorally?
- Tyrez will go to a different school for 5th grade...nervous about this too...if all goes as planned he will go where I teach...how will this work out?
- we will go on another Disney Cruise in October!! And hopefully spend a surprise two days at Disney World....VERY nervous about this!! Taking my boys to Disney World makes me very nervous!
But I know that the Lord wont give me more than I can handle! I can lean on HIM and my great, wonderful friends!!
Bring it on 2012!!! Catch me if you can, cuz Im just crusin along!!
2011 Memories Part II
So I messed something up and ended up having to post before I really wanted to, thus Part I and Part II....
No More Grandparents: In May, my grandfather passed away. He was 91 or 92 years old, I forget. My grandmother passed away in July of 2010. Since I didnt know my fathers' side, these were the only grandparents in my life...and they were the best! Hand-picked just for me!! My grandparents were great role models...great Christians!! My mom was a single mom & I (we) spent a lot of time with my grandparents...especially in the summer. They were winter Texans and would be gone from November-March. My grandma, Dorothy, was a wonderful cook & I regret that I didnt pay attention to what she was doing!! Everything was homemade: bread, cinnamon rolls, gravy, etc!! My grandfather, Earnest, was handy & good at everything. They were retired farmers. They loved to read. They loved to walk. I promise that until about 5 years ago, they were in better health than I was!! They also loved to travel and they took us (my sister & I) with them..we drove to Texas, California, and Maine (and all the sights in between). We also went to Iowa to visit family every summer. I have GREAT memories. Most of all, they loved the Lord...with everything that they were and all that they had..they loved the Lord. Because of that, I was in peace when the Lord took them home..truthfully I thought it was overdue. I didnt want to see them suffer physically or emotionally anymore so even though I miss them, I know that they had a wonderful, fulfilled life & that I will see them again in Heaven. Im happy that they are together again!!
Sometimes things just dont make sense: Friday, December 16th..dag, I realized that I still dont even have the words to describe it...so maybe I need to go back....on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, one of my students, Derianna, was admitted to Riley's Children Hospital, but they didnt know what was wrong. She had had a fever for 5 days and her mom had taken her to the ER. Im so glad that she was at the hospital because things started going very bad: blood pressure dropped, oxygen level dropped. On Wednesday, they ended up putting her in a coma. 3 of my coworkers and I went to see her & it was one of the most awful things I had ever seen!! She didnt look good at all. So many machines. So many tubes. Again, I texted, emailed, & fb'ed for prayer for Derianna's healing! At that point, I felt like the only thing that would bring Derianna back was a miracle from God.
I was able to go back down to see her that following Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. (Im so glad I have great friends that helped me out so I could go down there.) I couldnt stop thinking about her or her parents. I fell in love with her mom and stepdad. I fell in more love with Derianna. I would talk to her, touch her hair, and rub her arm. I would text every day to check in on her. She was improving slowly. But she wasnt getting worse so I was good with slow progress.
I went to the hospital on Sunday December 4th and was overwhelmed with joy! Derianna opened her eyes and looked at me, nodded her head when I asked her questions, and wiggled her fingers to say good bye! I really didnt want to leave. I really wanted to be able to go to the hospital every day! Even before she was getting better, I wanted to be there everyday! For the next week and a half, she was getting better every day. She was taken out of the coma, taken off of one of the breathing machines, lowering her medications. She was communicating more. Not talking, but being able to point, etc. She was still on a breathing machine & dialysis, but she was improving. The power of prayer!!!
I didnt go to the hospital the following weekend and felt so guilty about it. I felt guilty because I had told her that I would be back to see her and I hadnt been!! I felt guilty because I wanted to be able to give her mom and dad a hug.
When I texted on Thursday, December 15th, her dad replied that things were not going well. Derianna had had some strokes and there was damage to her brain! We talked on the phone & there was something in his voice that didnt sit well with me. It was the worst I had heard him sound during this whole ordeal. It sounded like the "hope" was gone. That Friday, I was consumed...all I wanted to do was go to the hospital to see them. But I felt guilty leaving school and not being there for the teachers that I work with. I ended up leaving a bit early and went to the hospital with two other teachers.
When we got there, her parents could hardly talk they were so upset. Derianna didnt look good. The nurse told me that it was just a matter of time and that there was pretty much no chance of recovery because there had been so much damage. I rubbed Derianna's head, kissed her forehead, and told her that I loved her. I made plans to go to the hospital the next day to see her.
Later that evening, I got a text from her dad that said "Derianna didnt make it. Im sorry, Ms. Brown". WHAT? I couldnt believe what I was reading! Automatically, my body took over..I dont even know how to describe what happened...i was crying the most awful sounding cry! I couldnt hardly breathe!! I was in disbelief!! NEVER did I think that she it would happen this fast!! I tried to call everybody from school. No one answered. I had to talk to someone!! I called one of my best friends. I couldnt talk. I was just making this awful sound!! She knew what had happened. She couldnt talk. She didnt know what to say!! At some point, this painful, heart wrenching crying stopped. The pain did not!! Even now, the tears run down my face as I type and think about it! I cried through the night and the next day. I couldnt help it and I couldnt stop it.
It just doesnt make sense!! Why did she have to go? I realize that we are all here for a season, but still.....I know we are all gifts from God, but still.......I know people (children) die every day, but still.....
Derianna was a beautiful girl! She loved to dance, wear lipgloss, sing, make up songs, and do hair. She loved school! She loved to look good! She usually did her best even though she had some learning difficulties. She knew all of her multiplication facts! She always did her math homework! She was sweet and quiet, but she could be feisty is she needed to be! She stood up for herself! She had experienced pain...she lost her father four years ago. She is in Heaven, I know that!! I will see her again, I know that! I miss her and I love her!!
I still dont have it together(darn it!): I wish I did! I wish I could figure out how to balance all of this out..Im sure most moms do! This whole work/parenting thing!!
But until then, I guess I'll be "just cruisin along" into 2012!!! Be blessed!!
No More Grandparents: In May, my grandfather passed away. He was 91 or 92 years old, I forget. My grandmother passed away in July of 2010. Since I didnt know my fathers' side, these were the only grandparents in my life...and they were the best! Hand-picked just for me!! My grandparents were great role models...great Christians!! My mom was a single mom & I (we) spent a lot of time with my grandparents...especially in the summer. They were winter Texans and would be gone from November-March. My grandma, Dorothy, was a wonderful cook & I regret that I didnt pay attention to what she was doing!! Everything was homemade: bread, cinnamon rolls, gravy, etc!! My grandfather, Earnest, was handy & good at everything. They were retired farmers. They loved to read. They loved to walk. I promise that until about 5 years ago, they were in better health than I was!! They also loved to travel and they took us (my sister & I) with them..we drove to Texas, California, and Maine (and all the sights in between). We also went to Iowa to visit family every summer. I have GREAT memories. Most of all, they loved the Lord...with everything that they were and all that they had..they loved the Lord. Because of that, I was in peace when the Lord took them home..truthfully I thought it was overdue. I didnt want to see them suffer physically or emotionally anymore so even though I miss them, I know that they had a wonderful, fulfilled life & that I will see them again in Heaven. Im happy that they are together again!!
Sometimes things just dont make sense: Friday, December 16th..dag, I realized that I still dont even have the words to describe it...so maybe I need to go back....on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, one of my students, Derianna, was admitted to Riley's Children Hospital, but they didnt know what was wrong. She had had a fever for 5 days and her mom had taken her to the ER. Im so glad that she was at the hospital because things started going very bad: blood pressure dropped, oxygen level dropped. On Wednesday, they ended up putting her in a coma. 3 of my coworkers and I went to see her & it was one of the most awful things I had ever seen!! She didnt look good at all. So many machines. So many tubes. Again, I texted, emailed, & fb'ed for prayer for Derianna's healing! At that point, I felt like the only thing that would bring Derianna back was a miracle from God.
I was able to go back down to see her that following Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. (Im so glad I have great friends that helped me out so I could go down there.) I couldnt stop thinking about her or her parents. I fell in love with her mom and stepdad. I fell in more love with Derianna. I would talk to her, touch her hair, and rub her arm. I would text every day to check in on her. She was improving slowly. But she wasnt getting worse so I was good with slow progress.
I went to the hospital on Sunday December 4th and was overwhelmed with joy! Derianna opened her eyes and looked at me, nodded her head when I asked her questions, and wiggled her fingers to say good bye! I really didnt want to leave. I really wanted to be able to go to the hospital every day! Even before she was getting better, I wanted to be there everyday! For the next week and a half, she was getting better every day. She was taken out of the coma, taken off of one of the breathing machines, lowering her medications. She was communicating more. Not talking, but being able to point, etc. She was still on a breathing machine & dialysis, but she was improving. The power of prayer!!!
I didnt go to the hospital the following weekend and felt so guilty about it. I felt guilty because I had told her that I would be back to see her and I hadnt been!! I felt guilty because I wanted to be able to give her mom and dad a hug.
When I texted on Thursday, December 15th, her dad replied that things were not going well. Derianna had had some strokes and there was damage to her brain! We talked on the phone & there was something in his voice that didnt sit well with me. It was the worst I had heard him sound during this whole ordeal. It sounded like the "hope" was gone. That Friday, I was consumed...all I wanted to do was go to the hospital to see them. But I felt guilty leaving school and not being there for the teachers that I work with. I ended up leaving a bit early and went to the hospital with two other teachers.
When we got there, her parents could hardly talk they were so upset. Derianna didnt look good. The nurse told me that it was just a matter of time and that there was pretty much no chance of recovery because there had been so much damage. I rubbed Derianna's head, kissed her forehead, and told her that I loved her. I made plans to go to the hospital the next day to see her.
Later that evening, I got a text from her dad that said "Derianna didnt make it. Im sorry, Ms. Brown". WHAT? I couldnt believe what I was reading! Automatically, my body took over..I dont even know how to describe what happened...i was crying the most awful sounding cry! I couldnt hardly breathe!! I was in disbelief!! NEVER did I think that she it would happen this fast!! I tried to call everybody from school. No one answered. I had to talk to someone!! I called one of my best friends. I couldnt talk. I was just making this awful sound!! She knew what had happened. She couldnt talk. She didnt know what to say!! At some point, this painful, heart wrenching crying stopped. The pain did not!! Even now, the tears run down my face as I type and think about it! I cried through the night and the next day. I couldnt help it and I couldnt stop it.
It just doesnt make sense!! Why did she have to go? I realize that we are all here for a season, but still.....I know we are all gifts from God, but still.......I know people (children) die every day, but still.....
Derianna was a beautiful girl! She loved to dance, wear lipgloss, sing, make up songs, and do hair. She loved school! She loved to look good! She usually did her best even though she had some learning difficulties. She knew all of her multiplication facts! She always did her math homework! She was sweet and quiet, but she could be feisty is she needed to be! She stood up for herself! She had experienced pain...she lost her father four years ago. She is in Heaven, I know that!! I will see her again, I know that! I miss her and I love her!!
I still dont have it together(darn it!): I wish I did! I wish I could figure out how to balance all of this out..Im sure most moms do! This whole work/parenting thing!!
But until then, I guess I'll be "just cruisin along" into 2012!!! Be blessed!!
It's been a really long time & Ive been inspired by others.....
2011 in Review (not necessarily in order)
Year of transition professionally: 2011 marked finishing my first year at a new school & moving to a new grade (6th grade)....both of which I was very hesitant about & neither were my choice! Change is scary! But sometimes the choices that are made for you & change end up being really good things!!! One of my hesitations about having to move to a new school was leaving my great co-workers, but Im not sure what I was worried about...teachers are a great group of people, no matter where you go!!! And by moving to 6th grade, I have had a chance to meet a whole new group of amazing people!! I still miss my friends at my former school, but Ive been able to add a whole lotta new fb friends! (lol!). Teaching, in general, is a lot of work, takes a lot of time in preparation, and requires a lot of patience; however, there really is nothing else I'd rather be doing...really!! Crazy, I know!
A dreamy vacation: Many of you know that I (we) have become Disney Cruise fanatics! And this past Spring Break, we were blessed to be able to go on our 3rd Disney Cruise on the new Disney ship, the Dream! Most everything (especially as I think back) about this vacation was great...the ship, the food, the weather, the beach, the luxury!! But was really the best was being able to with two of my besties, and my kids, of course! With all that goes on on a daily basis in "real life", it is simply amazing to have NO worries for 4 days. I dont have to cook, clean, worry about what the kids are doing...nothing! And I got to sit next to the pool and on a beach and be with people I love. Only 286 days until I get to do it again!!!
Parenting is hard work!!!: 2011 has brought a lot of challenges especially with my youngest son. He is adorable. lovable, hilariously funny, but....on the flip side....he also has some emotional challenges! Who knows if it is because his birthmom used drugs and alcohol while pregnant, by the time I was finally able to get him I was his 4th mom and he was only 6 months old, because I spoil him, because I let him get away with too much, or a combination of these things, but he has had some challenges in 2011. He had some behavioral challenges at the day care that he had been at since he was 9 months old. They helped raise him and he learned a lot there. We loved them & they loved him, but I thought it would be best to make a change before things got bad personally. He was doing much better at the "new" daycare (or so I thought) until around Thanksgiving when I was threatened with him being kicked out. We all made some changes & I think things are ok, but ya never know.....But its very stressful.
And of course, he is at his worse with me in public &/or around other people. Its very frustrating, because I know that people are judgmental about how hes acting and what I am doing or not doing to handle it. Its always a struggle...thats all I really want to say about it right now.
The power of prayer: Then there was Mehki's medical scare!! While we were in Wisconsin, all of a sudden, he is not able to walk and hes in extreme pain. I ended up taking him to the ER in the city we were in, but they didnt think they could handle it, so they ended up sending us to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN. Yes, THE Mayo Clinic. So on Memorial Day 2011, Im driving my 4 yr old baby that is in pain 90 minutes to a big, unknown place. Fortunately, my aunt who is an ER nurse was also in Wisconsin, so she went with me. A lot was scary: the doctors really didnt have any answers, they gave my baby an IV & some powerful meds, he had to get several Xrays, & a MRI. But I emailed, texted, and fb'ed everyone I knew and asked them to pray for his healing and to pass it on!! I truly believe that it was the power of prayer & only the Lord that healed Mehki and he was able to able to walk again without any surgeries and by noon the next day without having to do anything REAL invasive!! I believe in the power of prayer!!!
2011 in Review (not necessarily in order)
Year of transition professionally: 2011 marked finishing my first year at a new school & moving to a new grade (6th grade)....both of which I was very hesitant about & neither were my choice! Change is scary! But sometimes the choices that are made for you & change end up being really good things!!! One of my hesitations about having to move to a new school was leaving my great co-workers, but Im not sure what I was worried about...teachers are a great group of people, no matter where you go!!! And by moving to 6th grade, I have had a chance to meet a whole new group of amazing people!! I still miss my friends at my former school, but Ive been able to add a whole lotta new fb friends! (lol!). Teaching, in general, is a lot of work, takes a lot of time in preparation, and requires a lot of patience; however, there really is nothing else I'd rather be doing...really!! Crazy, I know!
A dreamy vacation: Many of you know that I (we) have become Disney Cruise fanatics! And this past Spring Break, we were blessed to be able to go on our 3rd Disney Cruise on the new Disney ship, the Dream! Most everything (especially as I think back) about this vacation was great...the ship, the food, the weather, the beach, the luxury!! But was really the best was being able to with two of my besties, and my kids, of course! With all that goes on on a daily basis in "real life", it is simply amazing to have NO worries for 4 days. I dont have to cook, clean, worry about what the kids are doing...nothing! And I got to sit next to the pool and on a beach and be with people I love. Only 286 days until I get to do it again!!!
Parenting is hard work!!!: 2011 has brought a lot of challenges especially with my youngest son. He is adorable. lovable, hilariously funny, but....on the flip side....he also has some emotional challenges! Who knows if it is because his birthmom used drugs and alcohol while pregnant, by the time I was finally able to get him I was his 4th mom and he was only 6 months old, because I spoil him, because I let him get away with too much, or a combination of these things, but he has had some challenges in 2011. He had some behavioral challenges at the day care that he had been at since he was 9 months old. They helped raise him and he learned a lot there. We loved them & they loved him, but I thought it would be best to make a change before things got bad personally. He was doing much better at the "new" daycare (or so I thought) until around Thanksgiving when I was threatened with him being kicked out. We all made some changes & I think things are ok, but ya never know.....But its very stressful.
And of course, he is at his worse with me in public &/or around other people. Its very frustrating, because I know that people are judgmental about how hes acting and what I am doing or not doing to handle it. Its always a struggle...thats all I really want to say about it right now.
The power of prayer: Then there was Mehki's medical scare!! While we were in Wisconsin, all of a sudden, he is not able to walk and hes in extreme pain. I ended up taking him to the ER in the city we were in, but they didnt think they could handle it, so they ended up sending us to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN. Yes, THE Mayo Clinic. So on Memorial Day 2011, Im driving my 4 yr old baby that is in pain 90 minutes to a big, unknown place. Fortunately, my aunt who is an ER nurse was also in Wisconsin, so she went with me. A lot was scary: the doctors really didnt have any answers, they gave my baby an IV & some powerful meds, he had to get several Xrays, & a MRI. But I emailed, texted, and fb'ed everyone I knew and asked them to pray for his healing and to pass it on!! I truly believe that it was the power of prayer & only the Lord that healed Mehki and he was able to able to walk again without any surgeries and by noon the next day without having to do anything REAL invasive!! I believe in the power of prayer!!!
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